Aku sebenarnya tak biasa tulis fiction in English. Tapi, kali ni, mungkin sebab baru lepas tgk 13 reasons why kot..hahaha
Disclaimer: Tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup atau yang mati
Disclaimer: I am fine.
1
Hye, its Hana. No… Not Hannah Baker from 13 Reasons Why.
Just Hana. Fullstop. And I am pretty much alive. As for now, I guess. Well if
you watched the series you will know what happened to Hannah Baker but I am not
here to copy the she did, and not to justify her actions. Because I knew in
every actions comes consequences.
Okay. So I am not gonna blabber more. I just wanted to talk.
About suicide. What do you think about suicide? Have you ever been thinking
about it? Of course, we live in a nation that Islam is the national religion, I
get it. But some actions cannot be justified just with logic. Especially when
it comes to emotions and psychological.
I have a cousin. Yes I used 'have' instead of 'had' because
she seems pretty much alive until now. Her name is Nuha. She comes from a very
religious family where she get religion education from I guess the day she came
out from her mother's womb. I do envy her sometimes. She looks… calm and peace
with her life.
Nevertheless, not every day you will the sun shine out
bright from the sky. Sometimes the smile of the sun hidden somewhere along the
clouds. And sometimes, the sky itself cried and bringing some storm down. So do
her life.
She just turned 17 the last time I met her. Oh, I needed to
mention that her parents don't seem to like me because I was the free and
rebellious type of girl. But Nuha insisted me to be friends with her because
she is not the kind of judgmental person. So I stay.
Every time I met her, she always mumbles about studying
abroad, probably to Mesir to study further about our religion. Well that is
good for her to know that. The way I see her, she is very determined about
studying and her own future, so as a cousin and a friend, I will be behind her
back.
But some cliché thought in the society will not died
instantly even when it hits 2050 am I right? Her father is objecting her
determination and her love towards knowledge. Saying that women should stay at
home. Should be the mother of her children. Should be the home to breed a new
and good generation.
For a moment I was frozen. Yes, I get it. But how will a
woman wanted to be the change and to produce a good generation if she herself couldn’t
get a proper education she wants?
For God sake, I could say nothing the moment Nuha cried to
her father's decision. She just sat inside her room, cried, alone. The moment I
got into her room, she hid her cry behind a smile. Ironic? It is.
And I could not believe until now that the girl with a
strong religion belief will do something foolish like attempting suicide.
But when you have no emotional support, everything is
possible in every way, isn’t it?
Want me to continue the story? How Nuha almost died?
Your call.
Okay. Here it is.
It wasn’t her father's decision to not to send her away for
further studies that make her wanted to end her life. It was the next decision
that her father did.
It kills her inside.
Her father decided to marry her with an ustaz that is well
known to her family. A young, pious man who are believed will manages a good
baitul muslim that will lead her to Jannah.
Sound cliché huh?
That is not over.
What concern me and Nuha was the man had the same thought as
her father. A woman should stay home. No going out without her father/
husband's permission. Feeding the kids. Trying to educate a good ummah start
from home. Believe me in our thoughts, it is not an ideal case.
I did a little research. For the sake of Nuha, I did. And I
found out the truth about the man. Who is he?
A corrupted man who lives behind his parents position as a
well known figure in the town. Corrupted in the sense of a person with a rotten
heart.
He is the zakat collector in our town. A decent one. As
people see. But little did people know, that the money he gets from people that
should be sent to the poor and needy in our town, is not being given properly.
How would I know?
Lets just say that I knew some people.
I collected evidence. And I have proof. Me and Nuha
confronted her dad and also he fiancée. Yup. They already engaged at that time.
Veto power. Save all this b******t later. It makes me wanna puke straight out
on their faces.
But what did we get?
I been sent back to my parents with not to touch their
daughter again. And Nuha had been grounded until her wedding the next month.
And that guy? Walks away and let all the evidence being burned to ashes.
Ashes.
Since that, I could no longer contact Nuha. Her phone number
had been deactivated. Her social media shuts down, and no way that I could climb
her three-story house to her room just to make sure she's okay. Basically, our worlds
have been separated. My family is not even invited to the wedding.
Until one day Nuha was there, outside my bedroom, on the
balcony, drenched and wet in rain, begging me to let her in.
She told me that she wanted to run away, from the wedding.
She doesn't want to let her parents down, but it was too much for her.
Before I could ever spoke to her, my door was crashed down.
And I saw; my parents, confused, her father, in rage and that guy, which anger
in his eyes, thinking that he should have killed this b***h long time ago.
"Anak bedebah! Walid dah kata jangan keluar rumah
kan??! Esok kamu nak menikah!" He said while pulling his daughter home.
"Pak Lang, cuba dengar apa yang Nuha nak dulu! Kalaupun
nak kahwinkan dia, lelaki ni tak layak pun untuk dia!"
"Kau diam! Kaulah yang cuba nak rosakkan pemikiran anak
aku kan? Kau dengan bapak kau sama je!" My dad was stumbled when his own
blood insult his daughter.
Before I know it, that night, my dad was throwing a good punch
on his brother's face because of us; me and Nuha.
And the rest was history.
But how did Nuha ended her life?
The wedding day.
Yes, the wedding day.
With her wedding dress for akad nikah, she jumped off her
bedroom windows on the third floor straight to the table where they serve the
food for the guest.
She barely survived after the fall, according to my dad, and
I really wanted to see her at the hospital. But hey, every time I went there,
I've been chased out by her father.
Which saddened me because I know she's struggling to live
again. Why would she wanted live and survived if she wanted to end her life in
the first place?
The last time I checked, she was recovering and her family
brings her to another place, probably a pondok school so that she learns to
live and love herself again.
Yeah, quite shocking right?
No, I am not saying the school is not a good place, but I am
pretty pissed of the family decision. Clearly she needs him. Where the hell are
you guys in the process?
I cried a lot, for her. And I am pretty sure that she cried
a lot more than me. She had a dead soul. After all that happens, I don’t know
how she will survive when she didn’t get a proper support from the society.
*phone rings*
"Hello…"
"Hana… Nuha ni."
I stumbled.
"Nuha tak tahan dah Hana… Semua orang suka cakap
belakang Nuha. Diaorang kata Nuha tak ada agama, tak ada tuhan sebab nak bunuh
diri. Diaorang memang tak cakap depan Nuha, tapi Nuha dengar"
For God sake, I don’t know how she knows my number(probably
she remembered), or how she manages to get a cell phone.
"Nuha, don’t do anything stupid. Keluar dari situ. Kali
ini, Hana nak tolong."
"Tak apalah Hana. Nuha dah tak larat. Nuha tahu Hana
nak tolong tapi walid tak bagi. Nuha tahu Hana nak tengok Nuha kat hospital
dulu, tapi walid… halau Hana…"
Her breath… I know she's in the verge of death.
"Nuha, Nuha kelar tangan ke?!! Nuha! Panggil ambulans sekarang!"
God, please. Save Nuha this time again.
"Allah… Nuha!!" And the calls end.
My tears drop.
Nuha did it again. And had she survived this time?
I couldn’t know. Because that is the last communication we
had. The number had been deactivated. Clearly her father thought that I was the
cause of her daughter behavior.
He didn’t realize that Nuha was dead a long time ago because
all of you killed her soul.
So, I am gonna ask you guys again.
A quote saying; Society kills people.
Are you part of the society?
